Breaking Habits

How to Change Behavior

Do you want to change? If you do, you'll be breaking habits that don't work and creating new ways of being that do.

If you aren't already relaxed and at ease you'll need to break stress inducing habits like...

• Drinking a lot of coffee
• Worrying about money or your health
• Tensing your muscles while you're at work

Personally, I don't think breaking habits is easy except for those magical times when it seems to happen miraculously.

The rest of the time, I experience changing the way I take care of myself and my relationships as a series of small, baby steps.

One of those steps is trying out a new practice like taking my lunch to work instead of going out to eat or meditating in the morning instead of sleeping in.

When I decide to do something big - like reduce my stress level - it helps me to approach it as a series of baby steps...

1. Identify why you want to change
2. Choose one old behavior to stop or one new technique to try on
3. Commit to doing it for a certain amount of time
4. Figure out when you'll do it
5. Create a way to track it
6. Let go of anything that might get in the way
7. Do it
8. Evaluate your experience
9. Decide if you want to re-commit to the practice

1. First, I figure out WHY I want to change...

   In this case I invite you to ask yourself why do you want to decrease stress - for your health, to feel better, to enjoy life more fully... or something else?

   Figuring out "why" helps me stay motivated. If the why is "big enough" I will follow through on my commitment to myself and instead of quitting or forgetting, I'll do the new practice.

   So... Why do you want to reduce stress?

2. Second, I choose one behavior to stop or one approach that I'd like to try on - kind of like trying a new shirt or pair of pants - to see if it fits me.

   I can think I need to do five different practices and overwhelm myself. I've learned that when I just take on one and really commit to it, change happens.

   So... If you're breaking habits - which one... If you want to try a stress reduction technique which one - mindfulness, conscious breathing, changing your thinking, or something else?

3. Third, I commit to doing it for a certain amount of time... like a day, a week, a month, or 3 months.

   I used to think that when I took on a practice I was committing to doing it for the rest of my life. This felt overwhelming to me.

   When I realized that I could commit to doing something just once or for one week or one month - whatever felt right at the time - then I was able to really commit, follow through, and reap the rewards of the practice.

   Many people have said that breaking habits take 3 weeks or 21 days of the new behavior. Contact me and let me know what your experience is.

4. Then I identify when I'll do it - for example, ten minutes a day in the morning for one month or once a week on Sunday evenings for six months.

   So if you really want to learn how to change behavior...

   Decide when will you do your new practice and for how long.

5. I make a plan of how I'll track it - I have a special calendar by my bed that I write my daily practices in.

   What we track grows. This is a kind of behavioral modification strategy that works.

   It does two things. It brings your attention back to your commitment and it gives you an opportunity to pat yourself on the back.

6. I ask myself if there is anything I need to let go of in order to do this practice - and I ask myself if I'm willing to let it go.

   My current practice is conscious breathing all day long. In order to really do this practice, I need to let go of being unconsciously lost in my work and a certain amount of numbness that goes along with not being fully conscious.

   If you want to take on a meditation practice in the evenings before you go to bed, you'll have to let go of what you usually do before you go to bed.... are you willing?

7. I do the practice.

8. I evaluate how it's going. So I'm not just doing the practice, I'm observing and learning from my experience.

   With my practice, I'm aware that I'm often not conscious of my breath and that it takes a high level of intention to do so. And when I am practicing everything feels better - I feel more centered, at home in my body, and connected to what really matters to me.

   So... How's it going?

9. I re-evaluate my commitment. I decide at the end of the time of my commitment whether or not I'd like to continue practicing and for how long.

   If I don't that's fine. Either way, I've learned, expanded my experiences, and know I'm growing.

I don't think breaking habits or learning how to learn how to change behavior is easy. Our habits are usually stuck at all levels of our being - what we think, feel, and do.

And it often feels like it takes as much energy to learn how to change behavior as it does for a rocket ship to break free of the pull of gravity... So for more help...

Go from breaking habits to stop worrying.