Communication Skill Builders

"Bringing Home the Projection"

"Bringing home the projection" is one of many communication skill builders. Others include...

• Listening skills
• Understanding the definition of communication
• Identifying defensiveness

"Bringing home the projection" is a type of self healing process.

As one of the communication skill builders, it can be used when you feel upset with someone who you're in a relationship with - any kind of relationship - intimate, professional, or friendship.

In general - as a personal growth tool and communication skill builder - it can be used when you feel negatively or positively about a person or an organization - like the government or the company you work for.

It is one of the communication skill builders because after bringing home the projection you will probably feel empathy and possibly compassion for the other person.

It takes the charge or upset out of any relationship issue... or at least greatly reduces it.

The term "projection" comes from psychoanalytic psychology and refers to a type of unconscious psychological defense mechanism. Any one of the several psychological defense mechanisms can get activated when a person experiences a situation that feels emotionally overwhelming.

Most of us developed habitual defense mechanisms when we were young and unable to process emotionally challenging situations.

We continue to use them as adults often just because we don't know any better. One of the benefits of psychotherapy - in my opinion - is the self education we receive that enables us to make different choices... including no longer using these not so useful coping mechanisms...

And being able to learn communication skill builders.

The way projection works is if a person experiences an emotion or an aspect of their self that she or he in unable to handle for any reason, she or he will one of several defense mechanisms. With projection, the person "projects" the feeling or aspect onto another person or organization and sees it in the other person or organization - whether or not it is actually there.

Most of us have disowned both positive and negative feelings or aspects.

For example, if Suzie (a hypothetical person) has a low self esteem though she is very capable, she has probably "disowned" - or made unconscious - her confidence and sense of self worth or value.

If she's using projection, she may see her boss as confident and appreciate this about him or her.

On the other hand, if Suzie thinks of herself as a "nice" person, she may have disowned her critical, judging aspects... even though she unconsciously judges herself and others all day long.

If she's using projection, she may experience her boss as super critical and judgmental whenever her boss gives her constructive feedback.

Projection is happening all the time!

Either you're projecting onto another person or another person is projecting onto you. But it's so unconscious that it's practically impossible to detectin ourselves.

When you "bring home the projection" you use the following process to become conscious of the disowned or projected part of your self...

... Then you'll stop projecting it onto the another person and you'll be able to communicate more effectively and be undefended.

Here's what to do...

Remember, whenever you're upset with another person whether or not the other person has clearly and obviously done something to cause your upset, some type of projection has occurred.

If you had "brought home" all of your projections, you wouldn't need to learn any of the communication skill builders because...

... You would only feel compassion for anyone who acted from a place other than Oneness, respect, consideration, and alignment with their personal Essence.

So...

... Whether it is a "negative" or a "positive" projection...

1. Become aware of what you say about the other person... Like...
   • She is so obnoxious. I can't believe how critical she is.
   • He is the nicest man. I really enjoy hanging out with him.
   • She can't stand me. I know she thinks I'm an idiot.

2. Then ask yourself...
   • In what way(s) am I _____________? (obnoxious, critical, nice)

   • In what way do I do this to myself? To others? (Do I think I'm an idiot? Do I think other people are idiots?)

3. Say out loud I love and accept all of myself including the ___________ parts of myself.

4. Allow your feelings to arise during this process and fully experience them to the best of your ability.

Communication Skill Builder
Example #1 - Negative Projection

1. Become aware of what you say about the other person...
   I feel so annoyed with my friend Rhoda. She is so scattered and inconsistent. I can't count on her to be there for me - I don't trust her anymore.

2. Then ask yourself...
   • In what way(s) am I _____________? (obnoxious, critical, nice)
     In what ways am I annoyed with myself?
     I'm sort of annoyed with myself for letting my piles collect and not cleaning the clutter. I'm sort of annoyed with myself for all the things I don't do really great - like make money, clean, eat healthfully, be consistent with my practices.

     In what ways am I scattered and inconsistent?

     It's interesting... I'm not scattered and inconsistent with others like Rhoda is - I am with myself. My stuff is all over the place - at least that's how it feels to me. I am often inconsistent with the things I say I'm doing for myself like regular walking and spiritual practice.

   • In what way do I do this to myself? To others?
     In what ways am I not able to count on myself or do I not trust myself?I think what I already wrote seems to cover it.

3. I love and accept all of myself including the ___________ parts of myself.
   I love and accept all parts of myself including the parts that are annoyed with myself, scattered, inconsistent, not count-on-able or trustworthy.

   This is hard for me to love and accept the part that is annoyed with myself. I want it to go away. I think it's a brute.

   I can acknowledge the parts that are scattered and inconsistent - but love and accept? Not quite. I can hold them in a field of loving kindness - which feels kind of good.

1. Become aware of what you say about the other person...
   I think my colleague Mark is very confident, self assured, and capable. I see that he has become successful and is appreciated by many people.

2. Then ask yourself...
   • In what way(s) am I _____________? (obnoxious, critical, nice)
     In what way(s) am I confident, self assured, and capable... successful and appreciated by many people?
     I do have an inner sense of confidence about what I do and the information I've learned working with clients as well as myself. In many arenas related to my work I feel self assured - it's like an inner sense of confidence. I demonstrate "capableness" by showing up every day... continuing to learn and grow... and applying what I've learned to each situation.

     I am successful in that the Center for Embodied Consciousness is doing well because I keep adapting and developing relationships with my colleagues... And my I grew a full practice and have been appreciated by both clients, colleagues, and friends.

   • In what way do I do this to myself? To others?
   This doesn't seem applicable for me.

3. I love and accept all of myself including the ___________ parts of myself.
   I love and accept all of myself including the confident, self assured, capable, successful parts... and the parts that are appreciated by many people.

   Oh... That feels really good.

Communication skill builders help us because communication is important... and with good skills life is so much easier.

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