I didn't always know how to stop worrying by overcoming fear or changing my thoughts...
I used to think that my thoughts just happened... That I didn't have any control over them.
But, I have since discovered that...
Any of us can change what we're thinking about... that we do have a choice about what happens in our heads.
To begin to understand how to stop worrying... Let's look at how our brains work - well... the layman's version of it.
We have billions of neurons in our brains - they're the cells that make up the brain. Each cell is kind of like a telephone with wires coming out of it.
Check out this video to see what neurons look like and how they work.
When you think a thought a couple or more neurons connect and create a synapse. A synapse is sort of like where the signals from two telephones meet.
It's difficult for you - or any of us - to learn how to stop worrying and change your thinking because ...
...Every time you think or say the same (or a similar) thought, your neurons strengthen their connection with each other.
- It's like the connection between the telephone wires gets stronger and bigger. The stronger and bigger the connection is - the easier the connection is to make... and the harder it is to break.
So the more you think or say something, the easier it is for your brain to think that thought again and again... and eventually it forms a "neural groove."
This is like a rut in a road. If you're driving on the road and the rut is big, your tires are likely to fall into it. And if the rut is deep, it can be difficult to get out of it.
This is what happens in the brain when you think the same thought repeatedly.
And then your brain begins to just go there - and it seems as if your brain is thinking automatically... when in fact it is repeating a thought from before... because the neurons have fallen "into the rut."
Make sense? If not, contact me and I'll try to explain it better.
Notice when you feel bad - this could be tense, fearful, sad, anxious or any other not positive feeling.
Remember that when you feel bad your thoughts and actions are not aligned with what you really want. To find out how this works read about the emotional guidance system
Use the process "What do I want" to identify what you've been thinking about that you don't want and then identify what you do want.
Change your list of what you want into a list of affirmations or a "story" about your life based on what you want - rather than what you don't want.
Say your affirmations or new story out loud several times a day.
When you notice you're feeling worried, pay attention to your thoughts and see if you've returned to your old story about what you don't want... Stop thinking it and say your new thoughts out loud.
I usually say my new thoughts out loud...
... And when I've said them enough... which could be several times a day for days, weeks, or months... the old negative thoughts don't come up and the new thoughts become automatic.
I say my new thoughts out loud because if I just think them, it's really easy for my old thoughts to jump in. Since we can only truly think one thing at a time, if I'm saying my new thoughts, the old worry thoughts can't be activated.
How I Learned How to Stop Worrying
I have a private practice and own a healing arts and transformational center in Maryland.
About two years ago I decided to change my private practice from mostly private sessions to mostly group work and to change the name of the center to be more in alignment with my mission and purpose.
This began a series of events that were challenging for me personally and financially.
I started to worry about money and think things like... "Oh my God... How am I going to pay the bills? My income is going down."
So I'm sure you can imagine that I was feeling some tension and what you might call stress.
I decided to apply what I had learned about changing my thinking...
I had realized that my vibration - the energetic message I was sending out with my thoughts and feelings was attracting exactly what I didn't want... My income had gone down!
So once I realized that I had been doing this... I came up with new thoughts that I wanted to think instead of the old, negative ones.
The new thoughts were..."The center is thriving. Our rent income exceeds our expenses. I love the work I'm doing and many people appreciate what I'm doing. I am paid abundantly for all that I do."
Whenever I woke up in the middle of the night - worried and panicking - I noticed that my fear thoughts were activated. So...
I would change my thinking by saying to myself, "The center is thriving. Our rent income exceeds our expenses. I love the work I'm doing and many people appreciate what I'm doing. I am paid abundantly for all that I do."
I would repeat this thought over and over and let it evolve in a way that felt good to me until the fear and worry subsided and I felt relaxed-and-at-ease.
Here's what's interesting about this...
Most of us can't think more than one thought at a time.
Our thoughts may be able to jump quickly from one to another... but most of us can't focus on more than one thing in any one nano-second.
So by saying my new thoughts, I created new synapses. I focused on something new and stopped activating the old neural groove of fear thinking. I learned how to stop worrying!
I rarely have the worry thoughts now... and when I do, I just replace what I'm thinking with my new thoughts that feel much better -
And the center is thriving this month!
Other tools that I have used that helped me learn how to stop worrying are...
It's also helpful to learn more about the mind-body connection and how emotions can have their own "rut" or habit as well.
It can take a while for any of these techniques to work. And if you have a biochemical condition such as an anxiety disorder or major depression, I highly recommend additional support.
Try out this technique and see how it goes.
If the neural and biochemical grooves are really strong, it can be very challenging to shift. However, if you can feel a shift - then you've done it... and go for it... just practice, practice, practice.
Another way to learn how to stop worrying is cognitive therapy - it's a psychotherapeutic modality that works directly with our thoughts. It's based on becoming aware of our
cognitive distortions
and challenging them.
I have used several cognitive therapy tools on my own journey and with clients. It's a powerful approach that helps people change their thinking.
If you want to read about it, there are books that can walk you through the process... or you can work with a therapist that has a specialty area in cognitive therapy.
Doing mindful movement
helps develop flexibility in the neural and biochemical grooves. I highly recommend it as an addition to this process to help your body-mind system become more flexible.
